Circles
by WadeH
Summary: During the Hunsford proposal, Elizabeth goes to extraordinary lengths to try to be civil and polite in her rejection, which is effective… for a while. (Short-Story Complete)


Chapter 1

 _"And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavor at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance.'' Pride & Prejudice Ch 34_

* * *

Upon hearing these words, Elizabeth Bennet was ready to scream. How many degrading and insulting proposals was she meant to endure? Mr. Collins' prediction of never receiving another proposal certainly didn't hold true with two in four months, but such a proposal! It was not to be endured! Her anger rising, she made a start at addressing him.

 _"I might as well inquire, why with so evident a desire of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character?"..._

Elizabeth stopped abruptly. Her anger was nearly ready to overwhelm her, and she was quite prepared to make her displeasure known in no uncertain terms, but something caused her to pause cautiously. She knew from his own words that he was a man of implacable resentments, and whose good opinion once lost was lost forever. She had heard that from his own mouth in Netherfield, and had no reason to doubt what happened when people angered him. She also knew that he had denied Mr. Wickham his living purely out of spite and jealousy. Lastly, she had the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam that Darcy would take it upon himself to break relationships when they did not satisfy his desires, regardless of the sentiments of the people involved.

All of this meant that she had three alternative sources about what happened to people who crossed Mr. Darcy, and wondered if she might receive similar misfortunes. There was no question that it was unwise to anger such a powerful man, with such a well-known bad temper. The consequences he could rain down upon her with a word or a gesture were incalculable, and not something she wished to suffer. With this in mind, she decided it would be much more prudent to temper her response, fall back on propriety and civility – and try to avoid any further censure or retribution. It would be difficult, for speaking her mind would be quite satisfying for a time, but would not be to her ultimate advantage.

She took in a deep breath, attempting to calm herself. Striving for the utmost composure, she set about answering him as calmly, politely and civilly as possible.

"Mr. Darcy – I have always done my very best to be civil with you, your family and your friends. If my reply lacks civility, please accept my apologies so that we might put this unfortunate conversation behind us. I have no desire to offend you sir, so might I request that we end this interview at this point. You have my most sincere thanks for the kindness and honor of your address, but I believe we have nothing more to say to each other."

Mr. Darcy took this non-answer as another incivility. He stood up straighter and walked towards where she was sitting and said somewhat angrily, "I beg to differ, madam! That is not really an answer, or a reason for your rejection. Might I kindly ask for more of an explanation?"

Elizabeth was by this time actually quite frightened. Mr. Darcy, at the best of times was a formidable and intimidating person. His great height and strength might ordinarily have made him the most handsome man of her acquaintance, but his forbidding countenance and deplorable manners were now making him truly terrifying. He had walked from the fireplace to tower over her, and Elizabeth unconsciously shrunk back into herself. She tried to make her presence even smaller and less offensive, desperately hoping he would just go away, while surreptitiously eyeing the door and wondering if she could get out of it quickly before he could react.

Darcy, despite his heightened anger, noticed her lack of composure and thought back to the last few minutes of conversation with some mortification. She actually looked _frightened_! He examined his posture and countenance, and could see how it could be so. _Had he really looked as if he might physically threaten a tiny young woman he professed to love?_ This was unpardonable. How had he gone so far astray? He tried to soften his features, and asked with some shock, but as softly as he could, " _Are you afraid of me, Miss Bennet?_ "

Elizabeth always maintained that her courage rose at every effort to intimidate her, but had to admit that was not the case tonight. She now learned that she had simply never been exposed to the situation that could produce genuine fear – until now. Her reply was little more than a whisper, "Yes sir."

Darcy heard this answer with dismay. He did his best to soften his countenance as much as he possibly could, and pulled sat in a chair in front of her so that he might not loom over her like an Old Testament god. He was desperate to know exactly how he had gone astray, not only with his proposal tonight, but also with his entire pursuit. It had obviously gone disastrously wrong, perhaps right from the beginning. She clearly had no understanding of his character whatsoever if she was physically afraid of him, so he was desperate to know how he came to this position. Was he always so frightening? Was he frightening to other people? Was she intimidated by his wealth and station? Did he go through the world somehow making people fear him? These questions disturbed him beyond measure, but they were not the problem of the day and if there was one thing Fitzwilliam Darcy could do, it was to focus on the problem at hand.

He said as softly as he could, "Eliza…. er, Miss Bennet – please accept my deepest and humblest apologies. I know not what I have done to make you so frightened, but please rest assured on my honor that you have nothing to fear from me, now or ever. I would never harm you in any way, nor allow another to do so if it is within my power to prevent it, regardless of what we say to each other tonight."

Elizabeth had to take several moments to calm herself and take in this statement. To see the always-formidable Mr. Darcy whispering so softly and gently was disconcerting, to say the least. She was ashamed to think that she thought so little of his honor that she might be afraid he would actually _assault_ her. She still disliked him intensely, but she had never had any indications that he was violent. What about this man gave her such strong reactions? This was not really just the reactions of a man who had made such an abominable proposal, but something deeper, which would require some leisure to understand – at another time. For now, she just needed to get him out of the room.

"Mr. Darcy – I apologize for the implicit question of your honor that my fears brought up. You are an intimidating man looming over me like that, and I was briefly frightened, but I have no belief that you are violent. Please accept my apologies and let us speak of it no further. Let us just be done with it. Good evening to you sir."

Darcy knew that if he walked out the door now, he would probably never see Elizabeth Bennet again, and he would certainly never be allowed another private conversation. The idea filled him with enough anguish that he decided to make one more desperate attempt at an answer. He spent his own minute getting his thoughts together, and in the process thought over everything that he had said since entering the room. When he reflected on his words, he found much to be wanting. He was actually quite impressed that Miss Bennet had received such a deplorable address without throwing things, or worse yet taking his hide off with her wit – which she was perfectly well capable of. In fact, when he thought carefully he could see that she was prepared in the beginning to let loose the full and probably considerable fury of her voice, but something – apparently fear – had checked her. He could see clearly she was still extremely angry, trembling and nearly unable to speak, but doing her best to hold it inside and patiently waiting for him to leave. She also looked as if she had very little patience left in reserve, and he must tread very carefully – but he could not walk away just yet.

"Miss Bennet – your reaction has caused me to review the past minutes in my mind, and I am now filled with extreme shame. I believed you to be awaiting my addresses and proceeded to insult you, your family and your situation in life while at the same time professing love and admiration for you. I cannot think of it without mortification. It is impossible to reconcile my behavior with the man I wish to be."

He reflected us another moment, and added, " _Until this very moment, I never knew myself._ ", and with that, his countenance shifted into a state of deep internal reflection.

Elizabeth was relieved to see his anger dissipated somewhat, and to at least have him sitting in a less threatening manner. She was still not sanguine about her position and hoped for a speedy and appropriate end to the discussion.

"Mr. Darcy – please think no more of it. We both know that when you walk through the door we need never see each other again. I will return to Hertfordshire, and you will never return to Netherfield. Our paths in town will certainly never cross. I will remain away from the parsonage tomorrow morning that you might take your leave of the Collins family, and we may end this unfortunate relationship here and now. I ask you to extend my regards to Colonel Fitzwilliam. I thank you once again for the honor of your address, and please accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."

Darcy could see the wisdom of this suggestion but was not entirely ready to admit defeat just yet. He had not been deceiving himself in his estimation – Elizabeth Bennet was surely the most intelligent woman he had ever met, and possibly the most intelligent person altogether. With nothing but her father's library and her curiosity, she had more wit and intelligence than most of the men who graduated Cambridge with him. She was also obviously honorable and not mercenary, as she was turning down the richest man she was ever likely to meet, despite being in a deplorable situation with four sisters and an entailed estate. She was not bending to his will, despite being obviously afraid of him, and he was just beginning to see she feared more from him than violence. She must know that she and her sisters could well end up in genteel poverty because of her rejection of his suit. She remained civil and polite despite many provocations, and being fearfully angry. Yet, despite this, she held true to herself and her principles. He thought he admired her when he entered the parsonage, but now he could see that there was much more to her than had had thought. She obviously found him wanting, but he could not understand why. This could be his only chance to learn the error of his ways that he might correct himself in the future, and he intended to take it.

"Miss Bennet – should you insist, I will depart immediately – but if you could possibly indulge me I would like to know the reason for your rejection. I honestly thought you to be awaiting my addresses and was quite surprised at being thus denied. An answer is not demanded by honor, nor clearly by your inclination, but I would beg it of your charity that you might allow me to improve myself through your wisdom. Please tell me where I went wrong."

Elizabeth let out a small sigh, and tried to reason through the smallest and least offensive thing that she could say to make the man go away.

"Mr. Darcy – until a half hour ago, I was quite certain that we were in perfect understanding as to our mutual and long-standing dislike, going back to the very beginning of our acquaintance. I even went out of my way to inform you where I walked that you might avoid it in future. The bulk of your addresses have appeared to be designed to emphasize your dislike of me, and I had no idea of any regard. I apologize that I cannot return it. _I am sorry to have occasioned pain to anyone. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope it will be of short duration._ Please again accept my appreciation of the honor of your address, and let us say no more on this matter.''

Darcy thought upon this for a short time but was still unprepared to give up. He was nothing if not persistent, and not to be easily dissuaded from his chosen course. Perhaps obstinacy was actually his most pressing defect.

"Miss Bennet – I have a difficult time understanding how you would come to that conclusion. Could you possibly grant me the boon of more _specifically_ telling me how I went wrong, so that I may improve myself in the future? I can see that my character requires improvement, but cannot correct myself without your assistance."

Such a question left Elizabeth stunned, and not sure of what to do. That such a man might admit to fault and a desire to improve himself was strange indeed, and somewhat humbling. To think that such a great man might be capable of self-correction was nearly unimaginable. That he might do so on her behalf was so far beyond anything she could comprehend that she decided it was best to avoid such thoughts. She was however quite well aware of how precarious her position still was and felt that offending such a man was unquestionably not in her best interests. What would be the best way to get out of this untenable situation? Should she answer honestly and risk offending him, or demur once again and hope he would forget his request?

"Mr. Darcy – might I just say that I do not like the circles surrounding you, and may we please leave it at that?"

Darcy thought on this for a minute, but could not come up with any understanding except that this was complete and utter nonsense. However, Elizabeth – for he had long since thought of her as such – would not make such an impertinent statement without having something to back it up. He was certain she had an answer, equally certain he would not like it in the least, and desperately determined to learn what it was.

"Miss Bennet that answer confuses more than helps. Might I beg for a more _detailed_ explanation?"

At this point, Elizabeth was becoming entirely frustrated, and her temper, long held in check only by the barest of threads was let loose like a white-hot flame. She was tired of being afraid, tired of being looked down on by this man, tired of being insulted, tired of dancing to his tune, tired of his undesired presence in this room – tired of him entirely. With one last desperate grasp, she tried to slow down what was coming – strongly believing it would not be to her benefit.

"Mr. Darcy – I am afraid that to elaborate on that statement would cause us both pain, and I believe it is not even possible to do so with even a modicum of civility. I cannot believe you would wish to hear the things I have to say, but if you insist upon it, I will demand of your justice that you listen all the way through without comment or interruption, and give me your word as a gentleman that you will take no retribution if I am entirely uncivil."

"Miss Bennet – it pains me to think that I have acquitted myself so poorly that you would feel the need to demand that I behave as a gentleman, but you have my word. It is most important to me that I be allowed to learn from your counsel.

Elizabeth was now angry with both him and with herself for allowing her temper to paint her into a corner. Had she held her tongue for only a few more minutes, Mr. Darcy would be gone, they would never see each other again and she would not now be forced to say that which her honor demanded. However, as he well knew, her sense of justice demanded that she now provide the requested explanation.

"Very well Mr. Darcy, I will expand but I assure you that you will not like it, sir. Might I offer one more opportunity to avoid this unpleasantness?"

"Please proceed Miss Bennet. You need not fear me."

Whether by design or just plain obstinacy, he had forced her to the edge and she let the dogs of her anger loose to do what they may.

"Very well Mr. Darcy. I will explain the meaning of my deliberately obscure reference to circles."

"On the very first night of our acquaintance at the Meryton Assembly, you chose to publicly slight me _within my hearing_. You told Mr. Bingley _'She is tolerable I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me…'_ , among other things. You even made light of the fact that I was sitting out a dance, which I did deliberately to allow other women a chance to dance due to a lack of suitable dance partners – a problem you were doing nothing to alleviate. To say such a thing in public, within hearing of the object of your derision places your deplorable manners quite on par with my mother at her very worst. She has been telling me loudly and at length for my entire life that I am the least handsome of her daughters, nothing compared to Jane or Lydia. Since my mother is quite adept at reminding me of this on a daily or sometimes hourly basis, I do not really need to be reminded of my lack of beauty by a complete stranger who disdained even being introduced. Couple your rudeness with your apparent desire for me to be married to the richest man of my acquaintance, and your behavior is a nearly perfect fit for my mother's circle."

"During this assembly, and most of your other public gatherings, you walked about the room appearing displeased. You conversed with almost nobody not of your own party, and only appeared to take pleasure in sneering at those around you with open disdain. This comes off as _arrogance, conceit and a selfish disdain for the feelings of others._ In this manner, you were entirely operating within the circle occupied by Mr. Bingley's pernicious sisters, who by the way seem to be your favorite and most frequent conversation partners."

"During the last fortnight, you have sat in company and listened to your aunt act in the most abominably unseemly and insulting manner to a guest in her house, yet took not the slightest effort to check her behavior or even suggest through word, deed or even expression that she was acting inappropriately. Colonel Fitzwilliam at least had the decency to look abashed, although he did not have the courage to do so in front of your aunt or challenge her – nay, I seem to be the only person in all of Kent willing to stand up to her even a little bit. This lackadaisical attitude towards moderating the behavior of the family whom you hold some responsibility, places you most completely in the circle of my indolent father at his worst. You need not look so shocked Mr. Darcy – I'm well aware of my family's defects, and my mother is not the only weak link."

"I have been told by my cousin Mr. Collins that you are apparently engaged to your cousin Anne, yet you feel free to make your addresses to me. This leads me to believe that you have not been frank with either myself or with your aunt and cousin Anne. Is she sitting there in that monstrous tomb she lives in patiently waiting year after year for your addresses that will never come? Since you have undoubtedly had many years to disabuse them of the notion, I can only presume that you have failed to do so out of cowardice. This places you fully in line with the spineless Mr. Bingley. He paid particular attention to my sister over many weeks, until her heart was fully engaged, only to leave without so much as a by your leave. He slunk away from Hertfordshire like a cur, in the middle of the night, leaving no word and no communication save a letter from his sister indicating that he was within a matter of weeks paying particular attention to your sister. He left my sister exposed to the vilest gossip and the endless lamentations of my mother. He could not even be inconvenienced to call upon her to explain himself, despite knowing full well that she was a 30-minute carriage right away in London for the past three months and that Jane had visited his sister and waited 3 weeks for a return visit."

"Your cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam, this morning took great pleasure in relating to me your daring exploits in separating my sister from a man she was in love with, thus marking Mr. Bingley as cowardly as I previously thought him to be, but also adds the character of a weak will to his ledger. This naturally also adds the crime of officious interference to your plate. Since you feel inclined to manage the affairs of those in your sphere, I would have to say that puts you in the circle of Lady Catherine. Perhaps you could close the circle by having Mr. Bingley marry your cousin Anne instead of your sister."

"During my stay in Netherfield, I noticed that the Bingley sisters were constantly either close to or even beyond incivility, while I was present and I have very little doubt that they were even worse when I was not. Mr. Bingley in his usual way chose not to even attempt to check their behavior despite being the head of his family and perfectly well aware of how rude they were being. You simply followed Mr. Bingley's lead. Thus, instead of being a leader of men as your position should warrant, you appear to be a follower, very much like my younger sister Kitty, and to be honest, following the Bingley sisters has very little to recommend it over following my youngest sister Lydia as Kitty does."

"You appear to be willing to marry without _concern for_ or even _knowledge of_ the affections of your partner, which joins you into the circle of my friend Charlotte. She married the stupidest man in England just to have her own home and avoid becoming a burden on her family. That may well be my fate, but I am not ready to reconcile myself to it just yet, as I am presently unconvinced a loveless marriage, regardless of the material advantages, is an improvement over employment or poverty."

"Half an hour ago you delivered the second-worst proposal I have received in my life. It was entirely concerned with what was right for you and your needs, and what was wrong with me and mine – with an implicit assumption that it would be inconceivable for me to reject such an advantageous address. In fact, with the exception of fewer references to Lady Catherine, and your failure to remind me that I _'might never receive another offer of marriage'_ , your proposal was nearly indistinguishable from the one I received from Mr. Collins. I suspect you will not be very happy to share a circle with that particular gentleman, but that is as it appears. Perhaps the two of you might discuss tactics, since he was ultimately successful on his second bid, and Mrs. Collins does have a sister conveniently at hand."

"And for the last circle, Mr. Darcy, let me point out that you came to this parsonage unannounced, invaded the privacy of an unmarried woman without a chaperone and closed the door behind you. I had not the forethought to demand you leave immediately as I should have, but as I am a guest in this home, the duty of propriety fell to your lot. I pray that no word of this manages to escape this parsonage because that might allow you to have what you want by force of compromise. I must point out that such an appalling lack of propriety quite matches the circle of my youngest sister Lydia, whom I've noticed you observing with particular attention and disapprobation."

"Those Mr. Darcy are the circle you inhabit that I find particularly offensive."

Chapter 2

Like a white-hot flame, Elizabeth's anger burned itself out abruptly, almost instantly, leaving her feeling like an empty shell. For a few brief moments, all emotions were entirely absent. She was fully devoid of anger, disappointment, hope, love, jealousy, passion, pride – anything at all. She had finally, for once in her life been able to say exactly what she wanted to say, exactly as she wanted to say it, in the full glory of her impeccable and caustic wit – but was finding the experience far less fulfilling than she expected. Instead of filling her with pride and a feeling of righteous retribution in a set down well delivered, it made her feel small and vindictive. Certainly, the man deserved everything she had delivered, but he did not deserve it from _her_ , or in such an uncharitable manner.

She felt like she was burning herself out from the inside with her anger. The next moment she expected to either fall over to the floor and curl up into a ball, or run out the door screaming. Either consequence seemed equally likely.

Before choosing one of those alternatives, she glanced over at Mr. Darcy and her breath drew in with a startling gasp, full of shock and dismay. Long gone was the proud, disdainful, insufferable man she had seen half an hour ago. He was replaced by a man who looked thoroughly defeated and destroyed. His shoulders were drooping; his elbows were pulled together into his chest, nearly touching each other. His back and neck were bent, his mouth turned down. He shrunk back in the chair, much as she imagined she must have looked when she was afraid of him at the beginning of this exercise.

Worst of all was his face and in particular his eyes. She now saw that his eyes were very expressive – why had she never noticed them before? They were now showing the most abject misery. His usual stoic and indifferent mask was entirely gone, and every emotion was clearly written on his face for all to see. The emotions she could read there were startling. She saw it all, alternating through a litany of all of the worst expressions she might imagine. Fear – trepidation – shock – dismay – embarrassment – perhaps even self-loathing? However, the one missing piece from the tableau was anger. Where was his anger? How could a man hear such an awful, heartless, display of vile temper without anger, without the need for retribution, without the need to escape? He seemed a man completely broken, and in that moment, she did not know what she thought of him, but she knew that he was not a man who had earned such a rebuke. Perhaps he was a man who required some reproof, but nothing like the abuse she had heaped upon his head.

If she were a heartless creature like Caroline Bingley, she would be mightily proud of how completely she had put together the worst possible sets of slights, insults, associations and invectives – carefully aimed to produce the maximum effect in only a few minutes and under intense pressure. She, however, was not Caroline Bingley, and could take no pleasure in another's pain. In fact, she was now filled with nearly unbearable shame. How did she come to this point? What defect in her character could possibly explain such an unwarranted response? Could she not hold her tongue for five more minutes?

What had this man done to deserve such censure? Certainly, he was proud and aloof, and he had certainly hurt her sister, but did he really deserve a set down such as this? Whether he deserved it or not, she desired that no human being should ever be subject to such a display from her. She remembered something he had said a quarter hour ago – _'Until this moment, I never knew myself'_. Now she felt she finally, thoroughly knew herself, and she was heartily ashamed of whom she was. In fact, she did not even like herself just now.

Mr. Darcy had asked her to help him become a better man. His world had been turned upside down in a matter of a few minutes, from the complete expectation of her approbation to shock anger and dismay at her rejection, to a full assault on his character all within a quarter hour. The natural reaction would be to storm out of the parsonage in anger, perhaps insist on her removal from the property or removal himself – not to sit and ask questions and try to understand.

No longer blinded by anger, she became suddenly aware of what it must have cost him to make that request, and to persevere in his requests until she finally acquiesced. What kind of a man would be willing to take such reproofs, and strive to improve himself? If Mr. Darcy was capable of such, could she possibly take her own reproofs to heart and try to make herself a better woman? There was no question at all that she did not have any design on being the type of woman she had just shown herself to be. She needed to correct her behavior immediately, and try to correct some of the damage she had done.

Mr. Darcy appeared ready to fall over, so she thought it incumbent upon her to pull him out of his shell enough that he could attend to the truth of what she said, without being destroyed by the invective she had used. This would be a delicate operation, but if there was ever a time her courage needed to rise to the occasion, this was it.

Slowly, cautiously Elizabeth went forward on the chair until her knees nearly touched Mr. Darcy's. She gently tried to coax him back to the land of the living, "Mr. Darcy – _Mr. Darcy_ – **Mr. Darcy!** "

He was still not responding, so she moved even farther forward until their knees were actually touching, and gently reached out to grasp his ungloved hands, and started again as gently as possible.

" _Mr. Darcy_ – please sir, I beg of you, disregard everything I have just said. It was all said in the vilest of anger, and I cannot believe that I heaped such abominable abuse on you. No one deserves such censure, and I am heartily ashamed of myself. Please, sir, I know you can never forgive me, but please know that I am now completely mortified and would wish you to please forget the previous few minutes."

Elizabeth observed Darcy closely and could see that he was gradually collecting himself. His eyes lost the smallest possible touch of the haunted and desperate look, but they were still filled with such intense pain it made her heart break.

"Elizabeth – er – Miss Bennet. Please pardon my use of your Christian name, which you have never given me leave to do, but I have long since thought of you that way and have a difficult time maintaining my manners in this situation."

"Mr. Darcy – might we just for the next few minutes abandon propriety in favor of honesty?"

"That would be a privilege. I would be honored if you might call me Fitzwilliam or William."

This seemed to be a little bit of progress for Elizabeth. She was still mortified at how angry she had been and listened intently when Mr. Darcy – no William started speaking.

"Elizabeth – please do not censure yourself! What did you say that I did not deserve? Which of your reproofs, while delivered quite bitterly were actually inaccurate? Do not let the mode of your address detract from the truth of your statements. I can now see that I have behaved most poorly indeed. I deserve all the censure that you have given and more. I was quite angry at first, then quite distressed, but now I can see the truth in your words. In fact, I suspect nothing but the strongest possible language would have broken through my pride to affect me. The same reproofs delivered with less force would probably have only resulted in my rage and bitterness, not my deep reflections. Let us not repine about the method of your address. It was exactly as required."

Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. She had been frightened that she might either cause them to burn up in anger and lash out at her, or burn up with self-recrimination and lash out at himself. Here she saw a man capable of self-reflection, which she would never have expected based on their previous dealings.

"Mr. Darcy – William – I will accept the wisdom of your words. Perhaps we can conclude this interview with less rancor and go our separate ways, but before we part might I ask you two questions?"

Elizabeth could see that while Mr. Darcy had been seriously wounded, he would recover and they might even be able to part as indifferent acquaintances – no, they would never be that, but they might at least avoid being mortal enemies. She believed she would be repeating this conversation in her mind and her dreams for months at the very least, and with very little satisfaction.

"I will answer any question you care to ask, Elizabeth."

"Colonel Fitzwilliam told me that you separated Mr. Bingley from my sister. At the time, I assumed it was done maliciously, but I am no longer quite so certain. The man I thought you were would not have listened to my words or tried to understand them to better himself. You have surprised me Mr. Darcy. Might you explain your reasoning?"

"I did it in service of a friend. Bingley has been my protégé for some time, and I have been watching for his interests. He is very new to his wealth and an easy victim for fortune hunters of all types, male and female. I started at Cambridge teaching him to watch out for aristocrats trying to take advantage of his naïveté. I have helped to guide him into society, and in exchange, his liveliness has helped me at least partially overcome my debilitating shyness, which even now comes off as reserve and haughtiness. I could never see him in a loveless and unequal marriage, and I believed your sister did not hold him in particular regard. Her countenance is serene when speaking with him, but it is the same when speaking with anyone else, and shows no signs of particular regard. That coupled with a complete lack of propriety from your mother, your three younger sisters and even at times, your father led me to believe it would be a disadvantageous match. Your mother was particularly flagrant in her obvious mercenary ambitions, speaking long and loudly about Bingley's five thousand a year and about how he would throw the rest of the girls in the path of other rich men. Of course, I must exclude you and your eldest sister from such censure, as your behavior was beyond reproach – and I was even impressed by your obvious mortification at the behavior of the rest of your family and your valiant although unsuccessful attempts to check them. Your family's connections as I mentioned earlier might be troublesome, but they would not be as troublesome for Bingley as for me. His wealth is from trade, so marrying a gentleman's daughter, regardless of her wealth or connections would actually increase his position in society. However, I could not countenance sending him to a marriage of unequal affections. His sisters seek a marriage of advantage, but I just want him to be happy. "

Elizabeth now found it her turn to be mortified. She very well remembered the Netherfield ball, where she thought her family was having a contest to see who could appear the most ridiculous or the most injurious. Her mother's incessant clearly mercenary talk about catching Bingley was done well within Mr. Darcy's hearing – nay, it was well within everyone's hearing – and it was no wonder he could not see his friend attaching herself to any such family. She can well understand and possibly even approve his blocking the match for reasons of ill‑matched fortunes, or even because of her mother's clearly mercenary tactics – would she not do the same for Jane? But how could he claim to know of her affections?

"William, I can understand trying to remove him from our family because of our impropriety or our fortunes – truly I can. I was excessively mortified at the Netherfield ball myself. However, you did not put that is your primary reason. How could you possibly know of Jane's affections?"

"I watched her quite carefully during the Netherfield ball and paid particular attention. I did not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it – I believed it on impartial conviction, as truly as I wished it in reason. However, I must also shamefully admit that at the time, I was trying to fight a growing attraction to you, and I may have allowed my desire to escape your company to influence my observations with Bingley. I did not believe so at the time, but it now seems possible."

Elizabeth thought that as much as she wished to deny the truth of his statements, he was in agreement with Charlotte, who said Jane did not show enough of her affections. She would leave the question of why he was trying to escape her for another day, if ever. That her mother's egregious bad manners were also unfavorable required no further explanation or debate. However, she really wished him to understand the error he had made. If she could convince him to release Bingley back to Jane, and Bingley's affections were still constant, she might salvage something from this catastrophe. At the very least, she felt that Bingley owed Jane an explanation so that she might move past his affections and allow her heart to be touched by someone else. It would eradicate her uncertainty, which now seemed almost as hurtful as the rejection itself.

"Mr. Darcy – William. If you can tolerate it, sir, might I give you one more circle, although in this case, I must base it on some speculation rather than observable fact?"

"Of course – I am at your service."

"You are undeniably a handsome object – possibly the handsomest of my acquaintance, and have been so for some time. You have been importuned mercilessly by matchmaking mamas who would spare no effort to see you married to the advantage of one daughter's family, or do their best to prevent your marriage to the advantage of a different family. You also have other thoroughly unsuitable and perhaps even repugnant suitors, who would attach themselves to you using any tactic due to your wealth, position or beauty. You have no doubt had to listen to such machinations, and avoid such compromises on an almost daily basis since before you were of marriageable age. To protect yourself, you have created an impenetrable mask that hides what you think and feel. You have also created a set of stratagems to avoid the most flagrant of those machinations and protect your heart that you might have a chance of one day marrying for true love – or at the very least avoiding being forced or compromised into a loveless union, created for the benefit of others."

"Does this seem a fair rendering, Mr. Darcy?"

"Yes Elizabeth, as I would expect of you that is an extremely accurate sketch. It is exactly as my life has proceeded to date."

"That is interesting William. I was not describing you – _I was describing Jane._ It seems like you are part of her circle as well – in fact, she may very well be the one person I know who most reminds me of you. How can you be surprised that such a beauty as Jane, with such a mother such as  mine, would have to develop her own protections? The rules of propriety are a poor and weak protection for the females of our time, but they are all that we have been given. Jane has learned to act demurely and with grace and propriety, regardless of provocation. You cannot possibly imagine what it is like for her to live with our mother. It is now seven years since she came out and yet despite her beauty she is still unattached, and our mother laments this fact loudly at every opportunity, to any who will listen and many who will not. She has quietly with my assistance rejected two unsuitable suitors without informing my mother, and you can rest assured my mother will never know of what happened here tonight either. Imagine yourself irrevocably tied to Lady Catherine every day of your life, instead of one fortnight a year, and I believe you may start to understand – or perhaps your cousin Anne would be able to help you comprehend, since she seems to be in an even more precarious position than Jane."

"Now if you will, imagine yourself showing particular interest in me – _even so obvious as to make me aware of it…_ " She said this with a small and sad smile, trying to take out some of the sting and lighten the discussion.

"Now imagine if I paid very particular and almost constant attention to you for several weeks, apparently deliberately making every effort to engage your affection, and was quite successful at it (as I appear to have been unconsciously). Then I left without a word, note or gesture because Charlotte Collins assured me you showed no signs of returning my regard during a single ball, and your aunt is a frightening and unpleasant harridan of a woman without any sense of decorum or propriety. How would you feel then Mr. Darcy? It pains me to say it, but your aunt and my mother could be sisters, and the most intent and careful scrutiny of your countenance over many weeks would be unable to detect your particular regard for me. Perhaps your cousins could detect it, but I certainly could not."

Fitzwilliam Darcy was seldom completely surprised by anything – in fact, this happened almost never – except in the presence of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. It had never occurred to him that all of the twittering females of his acquaintance might have their own point of view and might have their own pressures being brought to bear by their matchmaking mamas. In fact, when he thought about it, their plight was considerably worse because he could avoid the marriage market almost indefinitely. No one would ever call him _on the shelf_ , or a _spinster_. When he was 40 or even 60, he would be perfectly well able to get any wife he wanted (except apparently Elizabeth Bennet) with his nearly infinite wealth and power. The pressure on these young ladies must be enormous, and they were given very few tools to work with. They spent their time learning _accomplishments_ , which mostly served to help them acquire husbands, while holding no practical value. They were instructed in all of the arts and allurements necessary to capture a husband, because in their society that was the only way to avoid genteel poverty. Women in his society were placed in a poor position indeed, and he had never given it a second thought in his entire life. As a man, this would be bad enough, but as guardian for a young sister; it was unconscionable. It must have required an inordinate amount of courage for Elizabeth to turn down not one but two eligible suitors – one of whom was the most eligible she was ever likely to meet, yet against immense pressure, reject them she had.

Such thinking required him to pause and think back over his entire association with Jane Bennet, and he was ashamed to admit that Elizabeth was correct. He had done a great disservice to a young lady who had done him no harm. If he were sincere, he would have to admit that at least part of his motive was an attempt to avoid Elizabeth, which was even more despicable. Had he doubted Jane Bennet's affections, he could have simply told Bingley what he thought and let Bingley make his own decisions. He could have urged caution, and given Bingley more time to ascertain their true feelings. Perhaps Bingley could have called on Miss Bennet for weeks or months, or even had a formal courtship. With relatives in town, he could have even urged her to spend some time in town away from her mother, where they could get to know each other at leisure. He could have removed the Bingley sisters from the situation by taking them to Pemberley so Bingley could operate independently. If he had applied only a tenth of the effort he applied to fix a tenant's cottage on his estate, he could have come up with a better solution than he had. He had made a complete hash of more than his own life at this point.

"Elizabeth – I believe I owe both your sister and Bingley a great apology, as I have done a terrible wrong in every particular. I cannot look back on my actions without abhorrence. In fact, I can find many more things wrong with my actions than even you have enumerated. I ask you, is Miss Bennet still in town?"

"Yes – I will meet her there at my aunt and uncle's house in Cheapside when I return in a week's time. We will remain there for several days before returning home to Longbourn."

"Would I ask too much to get the direction to their home? If you will permit it, I will return to town at first light tomorrow. There, I will confess my entire interference in this affair to Bingley, and personally escort him to call upon Miss Bennet. I know not whether he will renew his addresses, but at least he will be honor bound to talk to her and resolve their relationship as they choose to. Beyond confessing my sins to both of them, I will interfere no more. Would that be suitable?"

Elizabeth was stunned. This was considerably more than she would have thought possible a mere half hour ago. In fact, her opinion of Darcy was so poor at the beginning of the day, that she would not have even considered it a possibility.

Had she, at the time, thought him an honorable man who might be willing to amend his previous mistakes, she could have found a way to have the conversation with him. In retrospect, it was painfully obvious that her conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam was the perfect opportunity to open the topic, and perhaps even engage Colonel Fitzwilliam to her cause – yet she thought so little of both men that it never occurred to her to even ask them to correct the situation. Once again, she had misjudged at least one of those men because of her own abominable prejudice against them. She wondered if she would ever learn.

"Mr. Darcy – William – that is most generous and I could ask no more. I must confess that it never occurred to me to simply ask you to mend your ways, so once again I must apologize for my terribly poor opinion of you that I had this morning. I might also apologize to Colonel Fitzwilliam, because he gave me the perfect opportunity to discuss this rationally, and I thought so little of him that I did not even try."

"Please discontinue censuring yourself madam. Once again – I must ask you upon what evidence you could have thought better of me this morning, or even after your discussion with Colonel Fitzwilliam. Your opinion of me matched my behavior, and Colonel Fitzwilliam bragging about the conquest would not have placed his honor in any particular amiable light either. Let us say no more of it. I have made a mistake – and I will do my best to correct it."

"I could ask no more, sir. I thank you with all of my heart and ask no more. Jane is the dearest person in the world to me, and I would do anything to make her happy."

"That speaks well to your character as a sister, Elizabeth."

"Before we conclude, might I ask one last question sir?"

"Yes, I will be happy to answer anything you ask."

Elizabeth took a deep breath. Half an hour past she might have scorched William with the accusations she had received directly from Mr. Wickham but was now not at all certain. Nearly everything she knew about him had been overturned during this conversation, so anything she thought more than an hour ago was suspect. It also occurred to her that Mr. Wickham was very smooth and pleasing, but to openly discuss his affairs with another man to someone he had only met moments ago was an appalling break in propriety, and she was mortified that she didn't see it immediately. What actual good did she know of the man? She could not come up with any evidence of his goodness other than his pleasing countenance, and his smooth manners. The only way to find out was to ask.

Steeling herself, she asked, "Is Mr. Wickham to be trusted? He has said the vilest things about you, and with my already low opinion of you, I was a willing and eager listener. It shames me to say I believed nearly everything he said up until a few minutes ago, and even helped spread the gossip throughout the neighbourhood, so strong was my dislike for you. I have noticed that my reactions to you have always been extreme one way or the other, and in that case, I quite enjoyed having what I thought was the full knowledge of my disapprobation to share with others. Now I am not at all certain. My opinion of you has improved considerably in this half hour, and I would like to give you a chance to defend yourself."

Darcy flinched, and said, "George Wickham is quite possibly the vilest man I have ever had the displeasure to meet and as a long-standing member of the ton, I can assure you that I've met quite a number of vile people. He does have such happy manners, and the ability to please where he chooses, so he tends to make friends easily. He does not however keep them because he leaves behind a trail of debts and ruined women. My father did _conditionally_ promise him a living, but he asked for and received 3,000 pounds in exchange for that, all of which he lost to licentious behavior and gaming in less than three years. He also has an unnatural hatred of me and will do nearly anything to harm me. My father foolishly gave him a gentlemen's education, without a gentlemen's position so he has always been frightfully jealous. Your relationship with me started on a very bad note because I was in such a foul mood at the Meryton assembly. This happened because it was only a month after he attempted to elope with my 15-year-old sister. I only stopped it by the barest of good fortune and coincidence on the day before their departure. His object was to acquire her dowry of 30,000 pounds, but more important he desired revenge. Had he succeeded, his revenge on me would have been complete. If you like, I shall give you my complete history with him, and I am happy to show you written proof, or you might apply to Colonel Fitzwilliam who as Georgiana's second guardian is aware of all of the particulars."

Elizabeth paled, and said "William – this both relieves and distresses me. As strange as it may seem, I am now quite relieved to find you to be an honorable man, much beyond my previous dreadful expectations. Your care of your sister speaks very well of you, and it's unfortunate that I knew nothing of this previously. Every bit of evidence I previously heard from Wickham, Caroline Bingley, or anyone else, did not give any positive reference to your character – although all I actually could accuse you of is poor manners. You were right at the Netherfield ball – I should not have attempted to sketch your character because it reflected credit on neither of us."

Elizabeth took a quick breath but needed to continue, thinking _'First with a good, now for the bad'_.

"I am however frightfully distressed that you deliberately allowed him to continue his depredations when a man of your power has many means at his disposal to check his behavior. How many people have been damaged over the years due to your lack of action? I am particularly distressed to that you left _my sisters_ , _myself_ and the people of my tiny village to the depredations of such a man when you had the power to do otherwise. I would not be surprised to return to find him betrothed to an unsuspecting heiress, or to have a few more bastards floating around the village. This fills me with a sense of dread and grievance. A few words from you to my father, Colonel Forster or Sir Lucas would have been sufficient to check his behavior, and you could even have delegated the task to Mr. Bingley or Colonel Fitzwilliam. I'm afraid that your lack of action does you no credit."

With another shuddering breath, Elizabeth had one more realization to enumerate.

"William, I find it odd that it pains me to censure you on this matter. Half an hour ago I would have been happy to have one more stone to throw at you, but now that I see you as an honorable man, it simply pains me to have to say this, even when I now couch it in the gentlest of terms, rather than the most hurtful."

Once again, Elizabeth Bennet had turned Fitzwilliam Darcy's world on its head. How many times could she do this in one conversation? He once again had to sit and think, and he had to admit to the justice of her observation. In addition to his own changes to his behavior that was now imperative if he wished to hold his head up in the world – he must also, finally deal with George Wickham. Wickham was the ultimate enumeration of his failure. His failure to act, his failure to even inform his father of Wickham's true character when it might have been checked, his fear, and his selfishness in trying to protect his sister's reputation at the expense of everyone else. This was quite possibly the worst offense of his young life.

"Miss Bennet – I don't know how many times you can overturn my world in one conversation, but you are correct in every particular, and you have given me a call to arms. When I found Wickham in Ramsgate with my sister, my cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam recommended we call him out, or just kill him. I could not do so because my father loved him, but now I can see that I have caused others to pay the price for my folly. It will not happen again. After I finish with Mr. Bingley tomorrow, I will take the Colonel with me to Meryton and we will deal with him conclusively. His future will include debtor's prison, being pressed into the Navy, or possibly transportation to the least pleasant of the new colonies. I will no longer allow him free reign due to my timidity, and I suspect the Colonel will take some pleasure in making his countenance somewhat less handsome and honest appearing. I will also go to all the merchants in Meryton to make any debts whole, and hire some men to follow his back-trail and right any wrongs we can find. The problem was mine, and so must the remedy be."

Fitzwilliam Darcy was not the only person whose world had been turned upside down. In fact, nearly every cherished notion Elizabeth previously held about her sagacity, and her ability to sketch characters had been thoroughly and completely destroyed in the last hour? How long had it actually been? It felt like it had been minutes, or months, or both. She had no idea what she thought about the man in front of her, but he was certainly different than he had been either before during or after this tumultuous discussion. Henceforth, her life would consist of two distinct times – everything that happened before today, and everything after.

At first she thought she he might destroy her. Then, for a time, she thought she may have destroyed him, but she could see that he was much more resilient than she had surmised – or perhaps she had simply been better at pulling him from the brink. She really believed he was nearly ready to crumble in the middle of the discussion, but now he seemed to have rallied quite well. He was still clearly distressed, but he was looking towards the future, and she might imagine a day when she could even look upon him favorably. She also now found herself surprisingly strong. At the moment, she was quite satisfied that she had survived a very difficult situation, if not with grace, at least with strength and fortitude.

These ruminations were cut short by the sound of Lady Catherine's carriage entering the drive. Darcy jumped up from his seat in alarm and started looking around the parsonage for a speedy exit without being seen.

"Miss Bennet – my apologies, the time is completely slipped away from us and now we are in a precarious position. I am quite concerned for your reputation, and the time for impropriety as long since passed. I must attempt to leave without being seen."

Elizabeth knew she bore as much fault for the lateness of his exit as he did, so she would not let him shoulder all of the responsibility, particularly now that she saw that once he was aware of his responsibility he would discharge it no matter the cost. She now reflected on an entirely new possibility. Here was a man she had hated to her very soul a few hours ago, and for whom she now had a begrudging respect – perhaps even admiration, and affection. She would not have believed that possible. She also believed that his affections were not entirely dissipated, and they might very easily enter a new and much-improved relationship, but not if they were forced by compromise into a premature marriage.

"William – please calm yourself. My cousin will go directly upstairs to his room. The only person to enter this parlor tonight will be Charlotte, and she can be trusted implicitly. All will be well."

With some surprise, she now saw her new situation with perfect clarity. His affections had not been destroyed by her intemperate responses. In fact, she believed they had been strengthened by her resolve in defending her family and her person. She thought he might well admire her more now than he had when he started. She now had an opportunity to start over with this man. She could see that he was determined to attend to her reproofs and clearly saw that in essentials, he was a man well worth knowing. She had no idea if she could love him, but she certainly could like him, and perhaps over time even more. She began now to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, might just possibly answer all her wishes, and she might answer his. By her ease and liveliness, his mind might yet be softened, his manners improved, beyond what he was already endeavoring to do after tonight's reproofs. It was also clear that he was very informed, well read – master of a great estate, and from his judgment, information, and knowledge of the world, she might also receive a benefit of greater importance. Yes, there was much more to consider with Fitzwilliam Darcy, if she had not already destroyed any chance of happiness with him – but had she?

It seemed likely that they could enter a leisurely courtship now, gradually get to truly know each other and perhaps find each other's company quite agreeable. She perhaps may have already destroyed that chance, but if they could not survive one quarrel what chance had they for even friendship? Friendship – an odd feeling – could they be on their way to friendship? She was resolved to discuss this with William at the first chance. Even that thought felt unsettling, but somehow correct.

Feeling just the smallest glimmer of hope, Darcy decided to take one more risk.

"Elizabeth – before we go, may I beg leave to make one statement, and ask a boon. You need not allow either as I have not really earned them, but I would ask still."

"I believe I have had my fair share of the conversation Mr. Darcy – I yield you the floor", Elizabeth said with a small smile. She was somewhat relieved to find that she was still capable of non-caustic wit.

"Elizabeth – first I must thank you from the bottom of my heart for the reproofs you have given me here tonight. I believe I have been a selfish being all my life. I was raised with good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. I was taught to look down on those below me, and took the lesson too much to heart. It took your particular brand of intelligence, insight, observations and implacable anger to make me see the error of my ways. You have given me the information I need to mold myself into a man worthy of being loved. Perhaps these reproofs will be difficult, but they will be the making of me, and I very much thank you for that service."

Elizabeth sat stunned. "William – I am moved beyond measure. Had you learned from my reproofs within a fortnight, a month or even a year, I would have been impressed. That you have done so in less than an hour moves me beyond measure. I hope that I might also learn from this evening and I believe I have my own reproofs to attend to, so I likewise thank you for your service."

Fitzwilliam chuckled and noted, "We seem always to be quarrelling over the greater share of the censure or of the credit. In this case, let us agree that there are probably no two other people in the world who could have such a horrific quarrel, and emerged as two better people."

"My request – might I beg that that sometime in the future after I have attended these reproofs – that I might have a chance to call on you again and perhaps earn some small measure of your regard? I would be happy to call on you in Cheapside or Longbourn, or perhaps host your family at Pemberley."

"Yes William, the idea of starting over I like very much. Perhaps it need not be the far future", she asked with a timid smile.

Chapter 3

Right at that moment, the door opened and Charlotte stepped in. Charlotte's eyes grew round and she gasped, dropped a small curtsy and said "Mr. Darcy! – _Elizabeth?_ "

Despite her previous assertions that Mr. Darcy might have tender feelings for Elizabeth, she was quite stunned to find them this late at night, quite alone in the parlor and frankly, very nervous. Her position in the parsonage and the region was not completely secure. Her husband was certainly not the cleverest of men, nor Lady Catherine the most benevolent. How would they react to this meeting? She had some faith in Mr. Darcy that he would not allow his actions to cause her harm, but she still was quite nervous.

Charlotte would demand some explanations from Elizabeth in the very near future, but for the moment, they must get Mr. Darcy out of the parsonage.

Mr. Darcy bowed, "Mrs. Collins, please pardon my unannounced and intemperate intrusion into your home."

Elizabeth went to drop a proper curtsy now that the rules of propriety were to be reinstated, but was somewhat surprised to find that not only did she have one hand on William's arm, but she was also covering that hand with her other hand. Unconsciously she saw that William was also covering both of her hands with his own, so extracting her fingers do a proper curtsy was proving to be more difficult than expected.

Elizabeth read all of the novels of the day, even the ones her father didn't approve of, from the classics to the modern. She expected love to be something powerful, something earth shattering, something you could easily see or taste or smell. She could see that William loved her. It was written in every line of his being as plain as day, now that she knew what to look for, but she could also see that he had been suffering miserably over it for some time. For him it was not a subtle thing, it was very painful and overpowering – so much so that she was not at all convinced that he would ever completely recover. He seemed to be in considerably worse condition than Jane was, and that was bad enough.

She wondered if she would ever feel that intense burning feeling, but then also begin to wonder if that was what love was really about. She did not feel any very strong overpowering debilitating emotions with her hands on his arm, but what it did feel was natural – completely natural. It felt like the place her hand should be, as if it had always been there, and would always be there. She also noticed that she felt bereft when she finally extricated her hands from his person to greet Charlotte. With that realization, she came suddenly to understand that she actually did feel something powerful for this man. _In fact, she always had, right from their first moments!_ Perhaps her extreme dislike was simply the other side of the same coin. Perhaps everything had gone wrong because in the very beginning she had thought him the most handsome man she had ever seen, and his slight in that very first instance had simply turned her already strong passion in the other direction towards hate. She had the sudden epiphany that there was no middle ground with Fitzwilliam Darcy – everything was all or nothing. That realization did not bring as much disquiet as she might have thought, and in fact, it brought a sly smile to her lips, and she continued.

"Charlotte – please allow me to introduce my betrothed, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy. He has proposed, I have accepted, and we are to be married in two months time."

That she would hear a gasp from Charlotte was of course expected. To hear an even more startling noise from William was disconcerting, but also joyful. He was gasping in surprise, but she heard no censure in his voice – only joy. A moment's reflection led her to recall that she had not _actually_ accepted his hand, even though the last word on the matter sounded a lot like a very unambiguous and unladylike rejection, she had not _actually_ managed to _decline_. She made the decision at the very moment when all became clear to her while trying to curtsey – how odd. However, like Lady Catherine, she was not to be gainsaid. She had made her choice and would not relinquish her claim without a fight. Glancing at William, she saw that there would be no fight. All she saw was a little bit of confusion, and a lot of happiness. She had only realized within the last few seconds that she well and truly did love him, without reservation, in all his particulars, with all of his rough edges and all would truly be well. She had not destroyed his love with her talk of circles – she had strengthened it, and in the process discovered her own. To think – it must have been there all along.

She turned around to face him, and reached her hands around his neck. She couldn't resist playing with his hair a little bit, which had been driving her a mad for some time – when had that started? He had little choice except to grasp her waist with his hands – something he had been dreaming about for months – and that she found particularly comforting – and everything was as it should be. They fit together, as if it was always meant to be.

Looking directly into his eyes, Elizabeth said, "Fitzwilliam Darcy – You are an honorable man. You are a great and yet humble man. You have faults in abundance, but when made aware of them you do your best to resolve them. You help others in your acquaintance learn from you and become better people. You love, honor, respect and protect your sister and all of your loved ones with a fierce passion and without limits. If you commit a wrong, you do your best to make it right, regardless of the cost. You are knowledgeable, well-read, and an extremely witty conversationalist. You are absolutely, incontrovertibly and irrevocably in love with the one person in the world that can truly make you happy. _I am afraid sir, that this places you in only one possible circle… with me._ "

-The End-


End file.
